the crazies

I have been working in a psychiatric ward for two weeks now. All I can say is it has been one crazy ride, no pun intended. I am currently working with a physician who specializes in geriatric (elderly) psychiatry and so far I am loving it. It is not a field I thought I would enjoy but there is something special about geriatric patients. They have the most amazing stories and are genuinely appreciative of everything you do for them, even if all you do is listen. Maybe I have not lived long enough yet but I feel my generation has grown up in a world where everything has been given to us. They speak of times of war, depression, long-term distance relationships, sickness, and poverty. Maybe when I reflect on my life as an eighty-five year old, I will realize that what we have endured is similar to that of our elders.

I also enjoy the variety of psychiatry. I have accompanied my doctor for nursing home visits, to the courthouse where she testified on a patient's behalf, and inpatient care. My doctor awed me when she was on the stand with the eloquence she presented herself with and the compassion she emulated for her patients. It is truly admirable. As much as I like it, I have had a difficult time reconciling the fact that regardless of a patient's actions, you must still treat them with utmost respect because they have a disease. I have been sworn at, had an entire jug of water thrown on me, and talked about dolls with their heads spinning and through it all I have to keep smiling. Psychiatry has definitely moved up my list of specialties I would consider doing, though pathology is still the front runner.

Ryan and I ventured up to Minnesota last weekend to watch my brother Mitchell play basketball. It was a very nice weekend.

Happy Valentine's Day! Ryan and I decided to get brunch this morning then we headed to Independence, MO, the hometown of former President Truman. We visited the Presidential library dedicated in his honor. Again, this did not disappoint. The history and background information is so neat to see.

Thanks for reading, until next time.
♥ Raquel

Currently Reading: The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry
Listening To: History in the Making by Darius Rucker

So lucky...

So I know I have not blogged much recently. I have fallen into the swing of 3rd year rotations and it is no longer new but progressive. Does that make any sense? I feel more comfortable every day with what I'm doing. It's a strange transition from not having any idea what's going on to competence in the management and care of a patient. My head is no longer blank but full of ideas. I guess that is what is supposed to happen. I still have not decided on a specialty, but am leaning towards pathology. It's a long story I will save for another day. My next rotation is psychology at the veteran's hospital in Kansas City. I'm very nervous for this rotation as I do feel like I am jumping in deep water for this one. All I've heard is how great the experience is so I'm keeping an open mind.

In other news, Ryan is changing positions at Hallmark... again. He is transferring to the corporate offices in downtown Kansas City instead of Topeka. From what I understand his job will be somewhat similar to what he was doing in Topeka but will have a heavier emphasis on the engineering side of production. I am so excited and proud of him! Ryan, you deserve it, don't ever think otherwise. He will not be starting his new position for a few weeks as they need him to help make the transition smooth.

Ryan also surprised me one night I was at the hospital late (taking out an appendix) with my build-a-bear from Kacie dressed in a new outfit, surgical scrubs (I'm on my 2nd surgery rotation). I could not stop laughing. I have the best husband. I brought Buford (the bear) to the clinic the next day and my preceptor told me my husband must be whipped :) I told him I couldn't have asked for anyone better. Until next time...


Love ♥,
Raquel

Currently Reading: Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Listening to: American Honey by Lady Antebellum (new album came out today!!)

2nd Anniversary

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love

Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love

Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end

Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love

Grow Old With Me sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter, lyrics by John Lennon

Ryan, the song we should have danced to at our wedding. God bless our love. To another year together. I love you.

Raquel

Dear Riley,

Happy 15th Birthday! Each year that passes is another we have not shared with you here on this Earth. Recently the doctor I am working with and I had a conversation about you. He was talking to me about how babies like you do not usually make it long enough to spend any time with their families who love them dearly. I told him about a strong, beautiful girl I had the privilege of being the sister of so many years ago, You. I told him how though we only got two precious days with you, we would never trade them for anything. I told him how happy we were to hold you in our arms if even for a short time. A bittersweet memory. Happy we met you, sad you had to go, but also thankful you did not suffer and instead live in a Paradise we here can only imagine.

That doctor and I recently delivered a baby that may not live much longer. We talked about how even when all the right decisions are made, sometimes things happen with no reason why, but yet somehow still fit into God's great plan. I still don't know why God needed you up there with him and I may never know. Maybe that is okay, maybe it's for us to figure out on our own. I trust His judgment, though difficult to deal with sometimes. Our beautiful angel.

As another Christmas nears, I not only celebrate the birth of Jesus but yours as well. It is definitely a day to celebrate, our true miracle. I will never forget. As long as I live, I will keep your memory alive. Happy birthday my precious Riley.
Your Loving Sister,
Raquel



In memory of Riley Elizabeth Garcia, December 20 1994 - December 22 1994

The Scary Side of OB

I got home this morning at 6 AM, 24 hours after I left home for the day, in a sort of trance. On my mind was a family. A family that had patiently awaited the birth of a new member of their family all day long.

After the regular day events were over I headed over to labor and delivery to help the midwife and observe. We checked on the patient every couple of hours and the progression of labor was slow but sure. I found things to do but by 2:30 AM I was exhausted and the midwife told me to lay down for a while and she would come wake me up when it was time to deliver, little did I know how grateful I would be she told me to do this. I woke up to the alarm I normally set for Ryan at 4:30 AM wondering why she hadn't come to get me yet. I headed back out to the floor from the physician's lounge to a strange setting. I knew immediately something in the air was wrong. All the lights were off, an eerie buzz pervaded over, and there was only one person at the nursing station to tell me the events that unfolded in the two hours I slept. They never came to get me because things got ugly fast. I don't want to delve into details but in the end mom was okay and baby stabilized yet was being flown to another hospital. I witnessed the scary side of OB. A memorable, beautiful moment was stripped from this wonderful family. I will never forget the look of horror on my preceptor's face as he told me I was free to go. I understand that medicine isn't always pretty and that as a medical student we should see all angles of it. However, in this instance I was glad I was asleep, thankful I did not witness the traumatic event. I'm not going to lie and say this didn't scare me because it did. Could that happen to me? Scare may not even be a big enough word, terrified is more like it. I'm glad I had the day off today to sleep and clear my head as I'm not sure how I would have seen patients today in the mindset I'm in. I feel so bad about the whole situation, for everyone involved. I prayed to God last night to watch over that family and keep the baby safe. That's all I can do.

Epiphany

So sleepy. I was at the hospital yesterday for 19 hours seeing patients, monitoring women in labor, assisting with C-sections, and helping deliver babies. I'm finally doing what I have waited for. The ten year old in my old journals would have told you she wanted to be an obstetrician and since yesterday I hadn't given up on that.

Witnessing the birth of a baby is one of the most spiritual and intimate things I have ever been a part of. I was assisting in the delivery of a healthy baby girl at one in the morning today, 24 hours after labor started. After the birth, we put her on her mom's chest, content. Her dad's eyes were welled up with tears in complete elation over the beautiful creation he made with the woman he loves. I felt like an intruder on the special moment. It is such a gift to be a part of something so beautiful. However, I couldn't help but think that when I look back at this month of OB/GYN someday it will simply be a fond memory.

My doctor and I were on call last night and he missed his only daughter's Christmas program where she played the part of an angel. I'm not sure if this event led to our conversation this morning but he told me something that I cannot ignore. He told me that if I take any advice from him over the month it is to choose a specialty where I'm not required to sleep over at the hospital three nights a week. He said that the birth of a baby is a beautiful thing and in medical school the rush of it is there but when you give up your family life year after year, the novelty wears away and the regret sets in. Regret over missing the event's in your child's life. Regret that you're only home four days a week. I'm sure not every obstetrical practice runs the same but regardless the time commitment is great.

The average work week for OB/GYN residents in residency is 80 hours a week. In the prime of my life, I don't want to sacrifice family for my career. I have wanted to go into obstetrics since my little sister Riley passed away and I wanted to become a doctor to make a difference and keep her memory alive. As little as a month ago I felt that if I didn't go into OB/GYN I would be giving up my dream and letting her down. I have realized that she would be proud of me no matter what I choose to do in this life. People make change, not titles. I don't think delivering babies is what I'm meant to do. By not going into it, I will preserve my ardor for the miracle. I have every intention of working long hours the rest of the month to be a part of as many deliveries as I can and leave it content and with a greater appreciation for the field.

I have also found that as much as I try otherwise - I have the mindset of a nurse more so than a physician. I deliver the babies with the nurse midwives and am more attuned to the way they practice. This is even more true in the field of obstetrics. I have noticed the OB/GYN doctors are much more eager to get a C-section. As the midwife told me last night if you are not a patient person, you should not be in obstetrics. There were several times last night when we could have told the laboring woman forget it, we're done, time for a C-section but we didn't. We gave her the time she needed and the last hour went without a hitch and she delivered a beautiful (and apparently stubborn) baby girl. Maybe my philosphy will make me a better physician.

Ryan and I are having a Christmas/Bunko party at our apartment next weekend which will be fun and then the next weekend we are heading to WI for Christmas. I will post pictures and update soon. Hope everyone has a safe and blessed Christmas holiday. God Bless.

Love ♥ Raquel

Listening To: "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga
Reading: The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

Makin' Plans

I have not written in so long. I would attribute this absence to a culmination of writing a twenty page paper on the globalization of health care, two ten page written finals on health care law and policy, attending surgeries, and being on call the past 9 of 13 days. I do not mention this as a complaint but a mere statement of what I have been up to. I haven't posted any pictures either because for some reason I couldn't get them to upload.

As for my surgery rotation, I love it! I went into it thinking I had nil interest but I was wrong. I'm not saying I will be a surgeon as the hours and demands are high but I have a greater appreciation for the field. My preceptor has let me do a lot in the operating room with him. Every day he lets me do more to the point where I do (almost) all the cutting, suturing, tying knots, pointing out anatomy, and dressings. This blog is not for ones with a sensitive stomach but watching the peristalsis of the small intestine while holding the liver out of the way is so neat. Another patient had their entire stomach up in their chest cavity and I got to pull it back down, who does that? I just cannot get over how much fun I'm having. I'm sad its over next week, though I do get one more surgery rotation in January. Not only is the surgery rewarding but having a patient take your hand when you see them the next day and have them tell you how much better they feel and how thankful they are for what you've done makes it worth the effort.

I'm not on call this weekend so Ryan and I are decorating our apartment this morning and then we're going out to happy hour with some friends before heading to New Moon! It is so nice to have nothing to worry about with school and just enjoy the weather and weekend off. If you think we're decorating too early, we probably are, but not as early as last year. Ryan and I are heading to Minnesota for Thanksgiving next weekend and I want to come home to a decorated apartment. I'm very excited to go home and see everyone. Anyhow, sorry if this blog is a bore. I've been contemplating the purpose of this blog. I'm not sure if its for me, family, or what my theme is. Maybe it doesn't need a theme or target audience. I initially started it to remember everything that has happened that I can look back on someday. Maybe that's theme enough.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and God Bless,
Raquel

Currently Reading: "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott
Listening To: Revolution by Miranda Lambert (Rocking!)

Transitions

I remember driving the non-air conditioned 1993 Volvo the 600 miles to my destination in complete solitude. The sun was blazing hot on the black leather seats, the windows down traveling 75 miles per hour. I was beginning a journey. A journey I had worked very long and hard to travel on; I was on my way to begin medical school. For the time being I had to leave behind the love of my life. I knew I would miss him and my family but also that the isolation from them was the best way for me to reflect and focus my attention. In parallel to my approach with most things in life, I was not apprehensive or nervous. I was merely excited, unaware of my naivety of the situation.

I have never felt I was a “natural” at anything, whether it was sports, academics, or arts. I persevered with hard work. Medical school presented a completely different challenge. I found myself in a pool of 250 of the smartest and most motivated people I have ever competed with. I was the underdog for the first time. Nothing has been more humbling. The enormity of information we were responsible for overwhelmed me. The night before the exam preparations were not going to cut it anymore. Another problem for me was the pace. I learn using endurance, not sprinting. Thriving off endurance while competing with a heap of sprinters in a 100 meter race doesn’t give much advantage, and I fell behind.

I would consider those first five months as a confidence swallowing battle that consumed every aspect of life. I was merely treading water, simply trying to stay afloat until the ship came. My ship rescued me in January and I began to swim again. My ship was my husband, Ryan. He is not the reason I began swimming again, but he gave me the will and purpose to. I do not think the curriculum of medical school got easier, but that I figured out how to manage it more efficiently. The race was now a marathon. Perhaps I adapted to make the game fit my strengths instead of playing it the way everyone else did. I had the advantage now; I knew how to run this race.

I was able to balance life again. I started to enjoy nature, I read books for my enjoyment, and I began cooking… Before I knew it, the first two years were over. I had gotten through it, though not entirely unscathed. I may have learned how to study more effectively, but progressively through those two years, life drained from me like a sieve. I did what I could to slow the process, but it’s difficult to completely prevent it. I would never do anything differently, however. The friends I have made are lifelong – we have a requited understanding of each other.

As the transition from the classroom to the wards has occurred, the life in me has slowly rejuvenated. I am energized by the patients yet plagued with the decision I must make in the next year on what specialty I want to go into. I hope the rotations will give me the insight I need to make the decision a natural one. The past two years have been a rollercoaster of emotions and tribulations, but I wouldn’t have it any different. Somehow I know this is where I was supposed to be, like some divine hand played a role. I am certain of it.

___________________________________________________

We have been very busy the past few weeks. We got to take a weekend trip to Boston with Tim and Cindy, went to an underground brewery with Joe and Angela, and carved pumpkins. I start my surgery rotation on Monday and I will be assistant on four surgeries! I have a lot to read up on this weekend. I am very excited for this rotation, mostly for the novelty of it. I doubt I will go into surgery, but who knows, maybe this will change my mind.

♥ Raquel

Listening To: All I Ask For Anymore by Trace Adkins

A Heart Like Yours

Things have been better around the hospital. I think I got unlucky my first couple of days with the negative interactions with nurses I had but I've found that the majority are very nice and good at what they do. I know the hostile nurses now and just avoid them. So far I am loving Internal Medicine, but not for the reason I thought I would. I thought I would like the diversity of patient cases but it's the patients I enjoy the most. Dr C gives me 3-5 patients to see on my own and he gives me all the time I need to talk to them and their families. By the time I am done I'm sure the patients are sick of all my questions! I am also surprised by how many questions of theirs I am actually able to answer. I am energized by being around people. I am also learning a ton, things are sticking so much better by applying them. Some things are difficult but I find that by holding a hand and voicing words of encouragement go a long way. I have the rest of this month in Internal Medicine with Dr C while I'm finishing my MBA classes. Next up is surgery... wow do I feel unprepared for that. Hopefully they're not too hard on me.

Ryan and I also just returned from WI for his Grandma Marian's funeral. I am amazed by that woman, she had her entire service planned from the readings and music to how she wanted her flowers arranged; she even wrote her own obituary. I was sad to say goodbye to such a wonderful lady, she had such a big heart. Without her, the wonderful man on life's journey with me would not be here and for that I am grateful. Thank you Marian for the love you shared and for always making me feel like I was part of your family.

♥ Raquel

May the Angels Lead You

Dear Marian,

May the angels lead you into Paradise.
May the martyrs come to greet you on the way.
May they lead you home to the holy city,
to the new and eternal Jerusalem.

May the choirs of angels come to welcome you.
May they take you to the arms of Abraham,
where Lazarus is poor no longer,
and there may you find rest, rest eternal.

Light eternal shine on You. May you rest in peace. Amen.

♥ Raquel

Downtime to Hostility

Maybe hostile is an exaggerated word, but that has been others attitude towards me the past couple of days in the hospital. I admit, I am a fresh 3rd year medical student, I don't know what the heck I am doing. I have loved every minute so far of my rotation in internal medicine. However, there is much unwarranted animosity directed at me. I felt sad today because I had two nurses scold me, one for simply sitting in the wrong seat. How am I supposed to know what the assigned seating at the nursing station is? I try to alleviate the strain by introducing myself and putting on a friendly face, but it is not reciprocated. I do admit it is probably difficult for them to have new medical students rotating through every month, it is just not enough time to acclimate. But, I have always gotten along well with nurses, I used to be one of them (at least a nurses aid). I even had a patient tell me she didn't like doctors because they are only in it for the money. I politely corrected her and said not ALL doctors are in it for the money, a pool I consider myself to be a part of. I think she felt bad afterwards as she apologized and we were able to talk on the same level thereafter. I was offended, though. I have done everything I can to be friendly, not be in the way or inconvenience anyone, and to lend a helping hand however I can. Maybe it just isn't enough. I have never believed in the hierarchy of the medical system. Everyone's role is important. Collaboration and not dictation. Any suggestions on how to lessen this tension and hostility? I want so badly to be liked and spoken to in a polite manner. I don't expect nor want to be hailed but I also do not feel that my wearing a white coat should preclude others to be rude to me, as I am not to them. I do understand, however, that it is impossible for me to get to know all 200 nurses working in the hospital in two months. Perhaps that is the crux of the problem and not me.

Besides that, I have loved working in internal medicine at the hospital. The fast pace suits me well. I like talking to the patients and letting them know I am there for them if they need anything and to put a smile on their face. My prayer for this week is for limitless knowledge capacity to always have an open heart. Oh, and that my preceptor sees me as an asset by the end of the two months and not a hindrance to his work. :)

What have Ryan and I been up to the past three weeks?

We attended a Royals game at Kauffman Stadium on a seventy degree evening outdoors, bliss. The Twins winning was just icing on the cake.

We went to the free Friday night concert at Crown Center and saw Jo Dee Messina perform. I got to go right up to the stage and get a picture. Kacie and Tessa, I didn't have the privilege of going under the stage and getting lost in VIP afterwards... ringing any bells? Haha!! She was very good, though the place was packed. All I have to say is don't mess with a redneck and their free concert, had to be there I guess...

Labor Day weekend in Minnesota at the State Fair. I wish I could say this was the best state fair experience I have had. However, I can't. I think the inability to walk further than one block in an hours worth of time, losing every member of our party at least once, and the gastroenteritis that pervaded the family that night and day afterwards made it memorable but not in a good way. However, the trip was worth it. I had questioned making the trip as I thought the time was not sufficient but as Ryan pointed out any time with family is better than no time. Always a man of words, my husband. :)

I got to spend a night at Savay's new apartment and I think Ryan was shocked to find someone even more of a neat freak than me - it has always been this way as Savannah will attest. Nanny, you have made quite the pad for yourself and I hope I can stay with you again soon. Ryan joked around with me on the ride home that someday when Savannah and I are menopausal and both married, we will still be sleeping together watching Felicity while our husbands sleep on the couch. I told him I hope that's the scenario. Don't get between me and sleepovers with my siblings, I cherish them more every time; even if it means taking turns cleaning up remnants of nausea through the night. Nothing better.

Thank you everyone for the hospitality and love. We hope to come visit again soon.

♥ Raquel (& Ryan)

P.S. I have taken a temporary leave of absence from Facebook in pursuit of other endeavors. I feel it will free up more time for reading books and exploring new and healthy recipes. I'm sure I will reactivate in due time when I am in withdrawal of picture updates. Capisce?

I Need You Now

Exhaustion. There is no other word to describe how I feel at the end of the day at the Pediatrics office. I really don't even do anything over the top and I'm exhausted. The misperception many have of doctors is that they leave you waiting in your appointment because of their mid-day golfing excursions and fancy lunches. I realize now this is completely false. Doctors are not late to appointments because they are lolly gagging around but because they are overbooked, tired, and have patients in constant demand of their precious time, getting every question in they can possibly conjure up in ten minutes. It is not fair to fault the patients for this either, it's a failure of the system's pay-for-procedure (visit) reimbursement. The mothers (and fathers) are hypochondriacs, the children scream at the top of their lungs, and I have managed to get a summer cold from these little ones, yet still, there is something prideful in being called Dr. Raquel. As of right now, I am thinking Pediatrics will not be my specialty. I love those beautiful babies and children but I do not have the inherent compassion required to interact with them. I keep looking for it but is just not there. Though, through the runny noses, my heart lights up every time I see a smile or get a hug. I doesn't get much better than that.

I have been quite frustrated as of late with the people of "suburbia." I absolutely love living in OP. The trails are beautiful, everything you need is under five miles away, and there is access to a great city. OP is known as the "cupcake" county of Kansas. I definitely see where that came from. There is a lot of money and people willing to spend it here. The child NOT carrying around a Nintendo DS at all times seems the rarity. However, everyone seems in it for themselves. A woman with fresh implants, bleach blond hair, and a fake orange tan trampled over my foot with her cart in Costco this weekend to budge in front of me in line without saying she was sorry. Heck she didn't' even acknowledge I was there at all. I didn't say anything. Why? It wouldn't do any good. This incident in Costco got me into my philosophical mode. With all the troubles in the economy and health care system it's hard not to wonder how we've gotten ourselves into this position. To me it seems simple, people don't care about each other anymore. It makes me very sad. A democracy will never work if everyone in it cares only about me, myself, and I. The US used to be a place of opportunity and good old brotherly love. Ryan and I get into heated debates over the economy and where the money should come from to get it back on track. We both have valid arguments but salient perspectives. Ryan is logic and I am emotion. Not everyone had the love and encouragement nor was taught the value of hard work as I was growing up. My mind tells me that the money I earn should be mine because I earned it but my heart tells a different story. It tells a story that is influenced by the values instilled in me as a child by small town values -everyone matters and cares about each other. A story where my children will grow up in a world that loves them. A story that always asks the question, "What Would Jesus Do?"

Ryan and I got to visit Omaha, NE last weekend for a day. There didn't seem much to do there but we wanted to see it anyhow. It ended up being a great one day trip. We saw the Henry Doorly zoo, had a spectacular Sushi dinner complete with Edamame and Sake, and stayed at a hotel with a bedtime cookie bar. It was fabulous. Here's to another adventure with Ryan!

♥ R

Listening to: I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Pediatrics Week 1

Written yesterday morning before my day at the office began:

"Here I am again on my second day of clinical rotations in Pediatrics. I love the private office setting, especially this office. The walls have vivacious color, the lighting has a calming mood, the working courters are spacious, and all the staff are so welcoming. I could definitely see myself in an office like this in the future - relaxed yet productive. Another surprising thing for me is how much I do enjoy the children, though they exhaust me. However, I do find my patience short when one is crying. Those poor babies are so scared yet so loud at the same time! I feel like a terrible person thinking this way, after all that will probably be what my children are like when I have them, especially if they take after Ryan. Ha! Overall, my first impressions are good and Dr. L is a passionate and caring person which I much appreciate. I begin rounding at the hospitals starting next week so maybe I'll get some more insight then. Raquel, be more proactive with the kids today and not just a fly on the wall :)"

There's a Reason, that I'm Feeling so High, Must be the Season

I just returned from a long walk on the trails of Overland Park. The sunlight glinting through the canopy of trees above, heat bathing the ground below, the bees humming dreamily about the blooms, and a drip of sweat from my brow = a happy Raquel. No impending papers, final exams, or lack of time off can change the solace nature fills within me. If you read Savannah's blog, you will understand me when I say that I will be the coffee bean.

Ryan and I were fortunate enough to have some visitors this weekend, Tim and Cindy. We got our fair share of Blokus in, cooked steak out by the pool, and got to tour the botanical gardens in OP. It was a very nice weekend. The weather was sunny and in the low 80s every day so Ryan and I were happy they brought the WI weather with them. On Sunday morning, we went to Visitation Church in Kansas City and the priest told a story of a time when he was teaching some high school students and of one student in particular that was confrontational and never got his work done on time. The priest said he confronted the boy about his lack of work ethic and the boy told him, "man, you just need to Kbar." Kbar is apparently the new slang term for "kick back and relax". It helped remind me that no matter what stresses and responsibilities are thrown at you, sometimes all you need is to take a step back and K-bar. It was fitting for the weekend because that's exactly what we did, we K-barred :)

This week has also been one of transition. I sat in my last lecture at KCUMB on Tuesday. Half of my classmates are making their marks all over the country while the rest of us keep ground in Kansas City. It was a week of celebration as we are officially 3rd year medical students, but it was also a week of saying goodbye to friends we got so close to over the past two years. A bittersweet adieu. I will miss you guys! Pic below L to R: Alex, Ryan, me, Chris.


I had intended on presenting some of the major amendments proposed in new health care reform bill. However, I still do not have a firm grasp on the elements of it. It is difficult to research the contents and implications of the bill without getting bias, even from government websites. So, I'll just say I feel something needs to be done. We cannot keep living in a country where 40 million people are uninsured, that is just unacceptable. Is the plan Obama is proposing the panacea for health care in America? I don't think so. Does it have potential? Yes. Though there are some positive provisions in the current bill - including insurance for all and payment reform projects - the proposed legislation seems to miss the opportunity to help create higher-quality, more affordable health care for patients. We want health care access for all, but I don't think it should be at the expense of quality. I'm assuming most people don't want the hospitals and clinics to turn into a DMV-like system of care. It saddens me that the main argument supporters for and against the bill will argue surrounds issues of the almighty dollar. I personally feel greed is in control. I think both sides fail to wholly understand the other side, "fitting in the others' shoes" so to say. The ones who don't want the system to change have adequate health insurance, it's just a fact. I think about my little brother Joey and how the current system will fail him if for any reason he loses the insurance he is currently on. I will not accept that. Sorry for the political diversion and if I offend anyone by saying this. I have just been getting a lot of questions regarding it so I thought I'd throw it in. I am not opposed to criticism over my opinion.

I'm starting rotations in a week and a half! I am anxious and nervous about it but at the same time excited. I just hope I know what I am doing. God bless everyone.

♥ Raquel

Listening to: "Let your Love Flow" by The Bellamy Brothers ♪

Living for the Night

It amazes me that the 4th of July has come and gone yet again. It feels as life becomes this desperation for the next holiday, vacation, or simply weekend. Taking it one day at a time. As much as I love to go back home to Minnesota I loathe the drive. I wish airline tickets would go down so we could fly but for now it doesn't seem plausible. We always have fun anyway

We did the traditional 4th of July events again this year - golfing, delicious fish fry, fireworks, and relaxing - it never gets old. Ryan said he could eat fish from Osakis every day and not get sick of it, I find that hard to believe though :) Another thing that hasn't ceased to amuse me is how much my little brothers and sisters grow each time we come home. I feel I have missed out on so much with them.

I don't have much to report on the weekend, I guess. There's something about Osakis that always refreshes me, though. Going home brings me back to the place where I had no cares in the World, everyone knows my name, and neighbors out for walks stop by when they see cars in the driveway. Maybe it has nothing to do with Osakis at all, but all the ones I love who are there. The only bad part about the weekend was getting sick towards the end, it made for an interesting ride home. I'm feeling better now but still not 100%.

I am sad because I found out I do not have any holidays or vacation for the next year. If I take a day off, I have to make it up! No Christmas or Thanksgiving break. We may be making short trips home or be celebrating holidays in Kansas City this year. It is just part of the sacrifice made for this career I am embarking myself on. We'll just have to see what happens. I have to get to my papers now, much better than studying for boards though...

♥ Raquel

P.S. I went and saw My Sister's Keeper with Mom, Grandma, Peyton, and her friend. It was good but exhausting. I spent most of the movie trying to keep myself from crying. Overall, a good story though.

Listening to: "People are Crazy" by Billy Currington