Leaving Kansas City
It has been a whirlwind of a year. It is here on a jetliner on my way to a
conference in California that I am able (finally) to reflect on the momentous
change this past year has brought to our family. Last year we were in the profundity of
realizing our new normal with a three week old baby boy and active two-year
old. Just four months prior we didn’t
know if that sweet little baby would even come home with us, but he did. It’s almost a dream now. God is good.
Ryan and I had been preparing ourselves for the big “change”
for a long time, years really. It was
upon us. I don’t know how we survived
having a new baby, putting our house up for sale, attempting to find a rental home
and daycare in a new city, me studying and taking my pathology board exams, and
moving. But we did. It is amazing to me what one can accomplish
when it is required of them.
I would love to say that we achieved this seamlessly, but
that is not true. The stress of the
situation didn’t hit us until it was over. I was having increased anxiety and
feeling inadequate. Ryan and I were both
feeling we had no time to ourselves or get settled. It’s hard to keep up the façade of having “everything
together”. And that’s what it is, a
façade. I’m don’t try to hide it, but also
don’t want to unduly concern everyone. I
do not have it together all the time.
In fact, sometimes I felt like I was a bomb about to explode. If one thing went awry, or off plan, I
couldn’t handle it. I have realized that in times of need, we have
to ask for help! I know every one of our
family members would have stepped up if they had known. However, we would not have made it through
without Savannah. She got puked on,
pooped on, hit, drove and babysat countless hours, and kept me sane. She was my saint.
Jonah had a rough time with behavior issues and
transitioning to his “new school” too. He
still calls our home in Kansas City his “real house” and daycare his “real
school”. I have noticed him referencing
Kansas City less and less. It is a
little heartbreaking to think he will probably not remember living there. The
place where Ryan and I started our marriage, got our first jobs, bought our
first home, and had our two precious little boys. Kansas City will always hold such a special
place in my heart.
I think we are recovering from the trauma of this transition
and coming out more whole as a family.
Ryan and I have re-learned how to talk genteel to each other. I love my husband more than anything, but
marriage is not always easy. However, I
wouldn’t want it to be because with challenge comes maturity, grace, and
growth. We have developed a deeper understanding of
one another and with that a deeper love.
Ryan, I am so proud to have you by my side.
Love,
Raquel
Now to finish with the song I now sing to Jonah (and made up
myself):
Goodbye, Kansas City,
We’re going to Minnesota,
We had a good time, but now it’s time to go,
We’re going to Minneapolis,
Where our favorite Nanny lives.
Goodbye Kansas City
We will miss you dearly.
