I Need You Now

Exhaustion. There is no other word to describe how I feel at the end of the day at the Pediatrics office. I really don't even do anything over the top and I'm exhausted. The misperception many have of doctors is that they leave you waiting in your appointment because of their mid-day golfing excursions and fancy lunches. I realize now this is completely false. Doctors are not late to appointments because they are lolly gagging around but because they are overbooked, tired, and have patients in constant demand of their precious time, getting every question in they can possibly conjure up in ten minutes. It is not fair to fault the patients for this either, it's a failure of the system's pay-for-procedure (visit) reimbursement. The mothers (and fathers) are hypochondriacs, the children scream at the top of their lungs, and I have managed to get a summer cold from these little ones, yet still, there is something prideful in being called Dr. Raquel. As of right now, I am thinking Pediatrics will not be my specialty. I love those beautiful babies and children but I do not have the inherent compassion required to interact with them. I keep looking for it but is just not there. Though, through the runny noses, my heart lights up every time I see a smile or get a hug. I doesn't get much better than that.

I have been quite frustrated as of late with the people of "suburbia." I absolutely love living in OP. The trails are beautiful, everything you need is under five miles away, and there is access to a great city. OP is known as the "cupcake" county of Kansas. I definitely see where that came from. There is a lot of money and people willing to spend it here. The child NOT carrying around a Nintendo DS at all times seems the rarity. However, everyone seems in it for themselves. A woman with fresh implants, bleach blond hair, and a fake orange tan trampled over my foot with her cart in Costco this weekend to budge in front of me in line without saying she was sorry. Heck she didn't' even acknowledge I was there at all. I didn't say anything. Why? It wouldn't do any good. This incident in Costco got me into my philosophical mode. With all the troubles in the economy and health care system it's hard not to wonder how we've gotten ourselves into this position. To me it seems simple, people don't care about each other anymore. It makes me very sad. A democracy will never work if everyone in it cares only about me, myself, and I. The US used to be a place of opportunity and good old brotherly love. Ryan and I get into heated debates over the economy and where the money should come from to get it back on track. We both have valid arguments but salient perspectives. Ryan is logic and I am emotion. Not everyone had the love and encouragement nor was taught the value of hard work as I was growing up. My mind tells me that the money I earn should be mine because I earned it but my heart tells a different story. It tells a story that is influenced by the values instilled in me as a child by small town values -everyone matters and cares about each other. A story where my children will grow up in a world that loves them. A story that always asks the question, "What Would Jesus Do?"

Ryan and I got to visit Omaha, NE last weekend for a day. There didn't seem much to do there but we wanted to see it anyhow. It ended up being a great one day trip. We saw the Henry Doorly zoo, had a spectacular Sushi dinner complete with Edamame and Sake, and stayed at a hotel with a bedtime cookie bar. It was fabulous. Here's to another adventure with Ryan!

♥ R

Listening to: I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Pediatrics Week 1

Written yesterday morning before my day at the office began:

"Here I am again on my second day of clinical rotations in Pediatrics. I love the private office setting, especially this office. The walls have vivacious color, the lighting has a calming mood, the working courters are spacious, and all the staff are so welcoming. I could definitely see myself in an office like this in the future - relaxed yet productive. Another surprising thing for me is how much I do enjoy the children, though they exhaust me. However, I do find my patience short when one is crying. Those poor babies are so scared yet so loud at the same time! I feel like a terrible person thinking this way, after all that will probably be what my children are like when I have them, especially if they take after Ryan. Ha! Overall, my first impressions are good and Dr. L is a passionate and caring person which I much appreciate. I begin rounding at the hospitals starting next week so maybe I'll get some more insight then. Raquel, be more proactive with the kids today and not just a fly on the wall :)"