One of my best friends from high school (and still is today) posted a picture on Facebook of my senior high school class. My first impression was how incredibly small our group was. I knew every one of them to some degree or another, we were great friends. At the time my class didn't seem too small but my experience in college and medical school was a stark contrast, not knowing many of my classmates. I now appreciate the intimacy we had with each other. My point? I was honestly shocked when I thought about the fact that it has been eight years since I graduated from high school. How much I know we have all changed since then. We are living our own lives, in our own separate worlds. The older we get, the more disconnected we become. Family takes precedent over everything else because they don't get adequate time the way it is. Its not wrong, just reality. I definitely do not consider myself old, but the feelings of nostalgia paralyze me more than they used to. Being part of a team. Hitting a 200 yard tee shot, right down the fairway at Sectionals. The excitement of crushes. Spending a Saturday with my mom, sister, and grandma shopping. The newness of everything. Constantly dreaming of what could be instead of what is. Wanting to spend every minute with my now husband. No obligations. I wonder why people epitomize this time in their life? Is it being young or the anticipation? Life had not disappointed us yet. I realized that the past eight years I have been living my life trying to make it to the next step. Once I pass calculus, life will start. Once I get into medical school, life will start. Once I get married, life will start. Once I pass my boards, life will start. Once I enter residency, life will start. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed every one of those eight years. I just worry that I will always justify life this way. Once I finish residency, life will start. Once I finish my fellowship, life will start. Once I pay off my education loans, life will start. Once I'm able to buy a home, life will start. I don't want to live that way anymore. I want life to start NOW!
Medical school has only added fuel to my Type A personality, so part of me wonders if I can just go with the flow? As Suze Orman says, the American Dream is changing. Maybe the ultimate goal is not to buy a home and have three kids. Maybe the dream is whatever you make of it. I don't know what my dream is but I do know that whatever I choose I want to do it passionately. Practice pathology with passion for quality patient care. Live every day as if it's the last. Create a happy environment wherever I go. Give back. Take pride in my health. Own my body. Love with all I have. It starts today. Who's with me?
Love,
Raquel
