Just Breathe

100 miles per hour. The speed my mind is racing most days. Today, it has slowed down. I have completed another segment of my medical school career. Relief is an understatement. My life gets consumed by the obligations of being a medical student too often. What happened to enjoying life? I am an eternal optimist, always thinking it will get easier next month, next year. I have realized this will never be the case, in fact it may be just the opposite. However, not one iota of me would want to do anything else. My calling is medicine. I do not do it for the ultimate status or money (not with the loans I will incur by the end!), but to give back and make a difference. I will not emotionally detach myself from people.

I remember when I was working in the burn center, there was a very sick young man who was not going to make it. His wife was following behind as we were wheeling him down to the operating room for a futile procedure (that's another topic itself). She was crying and pleading with him to fight because they were supposed to grow old together. I had a hard time composing myself. I told one of the nurses afterwards that I felt weak because I couldn't keep the tears from coming. She took me into her arms and said something I will never forget, "Raq, the minute you don't care, is the minute you should no longer be a part of the field!" I must keep that conviction with me always no matter what exams I must pass, how many patients I must see in a day, or what others tell me otherwise. Sorry for the solemn topic again, I may be an optimist, but I also think too much!

As I said before, I have slowed down today. Even if it is only for the weekend, I am thankful! Ry and I were lucky enough to have a visitor yesterday, Ry's dad T (he already left this morning for the ten hour drive back to WI). I was telling him it is strange seeing him without C along, to me they come as a packaged deal. It was like Christmas all over again because he brought so much stuff for us. The nativity might be my favorite, however. It is so beautiful I am going to keep it up until Easter.


Last night, I had the yearly banquet for my MBA Healthcare degree I am getting. It was quite the event. As one of my friends said, it is fun to get to meet the people behind the name. We are such a cohesive group we forget that we all have lives outside of school. I am posting a picture of some of my girlfriends that have become a great support for me! All these women have a contagious charisma about them. It is hard to not love all of them.


I also have to admit my new guilty pleasure, the Twilight series. If you are up for an epic love story, these books are a must read. One night this week I was up reading a chapter and my heart was fluttering it was so intense. It gets my mind off school, never a bad thing. Ry, you are and always will be my Edward.

Well, that's it for now. Thanks for reading.

♥ R

Auld Lang Syne

On the brink of a new year, I can not even believe it. 2009? It does not seem right to me, but I will embrace it as I always do.

I was lucky enough to spend the week of New Years with Sav here in KC. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have missed my sister. It was wonderful to spend the week just hanging around with her. We enjoyed doing nothing together. We watched movies, shopped, cooked, read books, and talked. These occasions are few and far between for the two of us so it was nice to refresh ourselves and catch up!

One of the highlights was bringing Sav to see the KU campus in Lawrence, KS. I knew she would be one to appreciate it and boy did she! It has the culture and feel of UW in Madison which is why I feel she appreciated it all the more. Plus it is a beautiful and lively campus which is always fun to see. Rock Chalk Jayhawk.


I would have to say; however, that the best part of the week was New Years Eve. We decided to check out the Power and Light District downtown KC. It was neat because they have an outdoor atrium surrounded by many bars and restaurants. In the atrium they had several cover bands (as Sav alluded to) playing and they sounded like the real thing which made the evening all the better. We ended up going to the country bar which was a lot of fun. Sav and I danced and Ry watched our coats. Poor Ry... he didn't want to dance so I guess that is what he gets :) The band even played Keith Urban for Sav!


The best part of the evening I would have to say, though, is when we were counting down. 4... 3... 2... 1... 2009! At that point an "aged" man asked Sav for a kiss... her expression was priceless and I caught a picture of it, including the man in the background! I didn't even mean to do that. Classic... Of course, she politely declined, but it was hilarious. Sorry Sav.


Our lazy week came to an end and of course, I was sad she was leaving. I have been spoiled the last two weeks with time off and visiting with family. The night before Sav left her and I stayed up late just talking. Since then I have reflected upon a quote from the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, “We are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss”. Savannah and I had talked about how life turns out the way it is, how one simple decision can change the entire course of your life. Sav and I wondered how both of us ended up at different colleges as close as we were and still are. What would have been different? I don't know. But I do know I wouldn't change anything. I especially think about the night I met my husband and how random it was. If Kacie and I had not decided to check out our first fraternity party, if we would have went to the left side of the room instead of the right, if Kacie had not given my future husband a hug, where would life be now? I'm guessing much different. We are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss. What a profound thought. Thanks for the talk Sav, I love you.

♥ R

Off to get ready for the rest of my no good, very bad, WEEK!