A Heart Like Yours

Things have been better around the hospital. I think I got unlucky my first couple of days with the negative interactions with nurses I had but I've found that the majority are very nice and good at what they do. I know the hostile nurses now and just avoid them. So far I am loving Internal Medicine, but not for the reason I thought I would. I thought I would like the diversity of patient cases but it's the patients I enjoy the most. Dr C gives me 3-5 patients to see on my own and he gives me all the time I need to talk to them and their families. By the time I am done I'm sure the patients are sick of all my questions! I am also surprised by how many questions of theirs I am actually able to answer. I am energized by being around people. I am also learning a ton, things are sticking so much better by applying them. Some things are difficult but I find that by holding a hand and voicing words of encouragement go a long way. I have the rest of this month in Internal Medicine with Dr C while I'm finishing my MBA classes. Next up is surgery... wow do I feel unprepared for that. Hopefully they're not too hard on me.

Ryan and I also just returned from WI for his Grandma Marian's funeral. I am amazed by that woman, she had her entire service planned from the readings and music to how she wanted her flowers arranged; she even wrote her own obituary. I was sad to say goodbye to such a wonderful lady, she had such a big heart. Without her, the wonderful man on life's journey with me would not be here and for that I am grateful. Thank you Marian for the love you shared and for always making me feel like I was part of your family.

♥ Raquel

May the Angels Lead You

Dear Marian,

May the angels lead you into Paradise.
May the martyrs come to greet you on the way.
May they lead you home to the holy city,
to the new and eternal Jerusalem.

May the choirs of angels come to welcome you.
May they take you to the arms of Abraham,
where Lazarus is poor no longer,
and there may you find rest, rest eternal.

Light eternal shine on You. May you rest in peace. Amen.

♥ Raquel

Downtime to Hostility

Maybe hostile is an exaggerated word, but that has been others attitude towards me the past couple of days in the hospital. I admit, I am a fresh 3rd year medical student, I don't know what the heck I am doing. I have loved every minute so far of my rotation in internal medicine. However, there is much unwarranted animosity directed at me. I felt sad today because I had two nurses scold me, one for simply sitting in the wrong seat. How am I supposed to know what the assigned seating at the nursing station is? I try to alleviate the strain by introducing myself and putting on a friendly face, but it is not reciprocated. I do admit it is probably difficult for them to have new medical students rotating through every month, it is just not enough time to acclimate. But, I have always gotten along well with nurses, I used to be one of them (at least a nurses aid). I even had a patient tell me she didn't like doctors because they are only in it for the money. I politely corrected her and said not ALL doctors are in it for the money, a pool I consider myself to be a part of. I think she felt bad afterwards as she apologized and we were able to talk on the same level thereafter. I was offended, though. I have done everything I can to be friendly, not be in the way or inconvenience anyone, and to lend a helping hand however I can. Maybe it just isn't enough. I have never believed in the hierarchy of the medical system. Everyone's role is important. Collaboration and not dictation. Any suggestions on how to lessen this tension and hostility? I want so badly to be liked and spoken to in a polite manner. I don't expect nor want to be hailed but I also do not feel that my wearing a white coat should preclude others to be rude to me, as I am not to them. I do understand, however, that it is impossible for me to get to know all 200 nurses working in the hospital in two months. Perhaps that is the crux of the problem and not me.

Besides that, I have loved working in internal medicine at the hospital. The fast pace suits me well. I like talking to the patients and letting them know I am there for them if they need anything and to put a smile on their face. My prayer for this week is for limitless knowledge capacity to always have an open heart. Oh, and that my preceptor sees me as an asset by the end of the two months and not a hindrance to his work. :)

What have Ryan and I been up to the past three weeks?

We attended a Royals game at Kauffman Stadium on a seventy degree evening outdoors, bliss. The Twins winning was just icing on the cake.

We went to the free Friday night concert at Crown Center and saw Jo Dee Messina perform. I got to go right up to the stage and get a picture. Kacie and Tessa, I didn't have the privilege of going under the stage and getting lost in VIP afterwards... ringing any bells? Haha!! She was very good, though the place was packed. All I have to say is don't mess with a redneck and their free concert, had to be there I guess...

Labor Day weekend in Minnesota at the State Fair. I wish I could say this was the best state fair experience I have had. However, I can't. I think the inability to walk further than one block in an hours worth of time, losing every member of our party at least once, and the gastroenteritis that pervaded the family that night and day afterwards made it memorable but not in a good way. However, the trip was worth it. I had questioned making the trip as I thought the time was not sufficient but as Ryan pointed out any time with family is better than no time. Always a man of words, my husband. :)

I got to spend a night at Savay's new apartment and I think Ryan was shocked to find someone even more of a neat freak than me - it has always been this way as Savannah will attest. Nanny, you have made quite the pad for yourself and I hope I can stay with you again soon. Ryan joked around with me on the ride home that someday when Savannah and I are menopausal and both married, we will still be sleeping together watching Felicity while our husbands sleep on the couch. I told him I hope that's the scenario. Don't get between me and sleepovers with my siblings, I cherish them more every time; even if it means taking turns cleaning up remnants of nausea through the night. Nothing better.

Thank you everyone for the hospitality and love. We hope to come visit again soon.

♥ Raquel (& Ryan)

P.S. I have taken a temporary leave of absence from Facebook in pursuit of other endeavors. I feel it will free up more time for reading books and exploring new and healthy recipes. I'm sure I will reactivate in due time when I am in withdrawal of picture updates. Capisce?

I Need You Now

Exhaustion. There is no other word to describe how I feel at the end of the day at the Pediatrics office. I really don't even do anything over the top and I'm exhausted. The misperception many have of doctors is that they leave you waiting in your appointment because of their mid-day golfing excursions and fancy lunches. I realize now this is completely false. Doctors are not late to appointments because they are lolly gagging around but because they are overbooked, tired, and have patients in constant demand of their precious time, getting every question in they can possibly conjure up in ten minutes. It is not fair to fault the patients for this either, it's a failure of the system's pay-for-procedure (visit) reimbursement. The mothers (and fathers) are hypochondriacs, the children scream at the top of their lungs, and I have managed to get a summer cold from these little ones, yet still, there is something prideful in being called Dr. Raquel. As of right now, I am thinking Pediatrics will not be my specialty. I love those beautiful babies and children but I do not have the inherent compassion required to interact with them. I keep looking for it but is just not there. Though, through the runny noses, my heart lights up every time I see a smile or get a hug. I doesn't get much better than that.

I have been quite frustrated as of late with the people of "suburbia." I absolutely love living in OP. The trails are beautiful, everything you need is under five miles away, and there is access to a great city. OP is known as the "cupcake" county of Kansas. I definitely see where that came from. There is a lot of money and people willing to spend it here. The child NOT carrying around a Nintendo DS at all times seems the rarity. However, everyone seems in it for themselves. A woman with fresh implants, bleach blond hair, and a fake orange tan trampled over my foot with her cart in Costco this weekend to budge in front of me in line without saying she was sorry. Heck she didn't' even acknowledge I was there at all. I didn't say anything. Why? It wouldn't do any good. This incident in Costco got me into my philosophical mode. With all the troubles in the economy and health care system it's hard not to wonder how we've gotten ourselves into this position. To me it seems simple, people don't care about each other anymore. It makes me very sad. A democracy will never work if everyone in it cares only about me, myself, and I. The US used to be a place of opportunity and good old brotherly love. Ryan and I get into heated debates over the economy and where the money should come from to get it back on track. We both have valid arguments but salient perspectives. Ryan is logic and I am emotion. Not everyone had the love and encouragement nor was taught the value of hard work as I was growing up. My mind tells me that the money I earn should be mine because I earned it but my heart tells a different story. It tells a story that is influenced by the values instilled in me as a child by small town values -everyone matters and cares about each other. A story where my children will grow up in a world that loves them. A story that always asks the question, "What Would Jesus Do?"

Ryan and I got to visit Omaha, NE last weekend for a day. There didn't seem much to do there but we wanted to see it anyhow. It ended up being a great one day trip. We saw the Henry Doorly zoo, had a spectacular Sushi dinner complete with Edamame and Sake, and stayed at a hotel with a bedtime cookie bar. It was fabulous. Here's to another adventure with Ryan!

♥ R

Listening to: I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Pediatrics Week 1

Written yesterday morning before my day at the office began:

"Here I am again on my second day of clinical rotations in Pediatrics. I love the private office setting, especially this office. The walls have vivacious color, the lighting has a calming mood, the working courters are spacious, and all the staff are so welcoming. I could definitely see myself in an office like this in the future - relaxed yet productive. Another surprising thing for me is how much I do enjoy the children, though they exhaust me. However, I do find my patience short when one is crying. Those poor babies are so scared yet so loud at the same time! I feel like a terrible person thinking this way, after all that will probably be what my children are like when I have them, especially if they take after Ryan. Ha! Overall, my first impressions are good and Dr. L is a passionate and caring person which I much appreciate. I begin rounding at the hospitals starting next week so maybe I'll get some more insight then. Raquel, be more proactive with the kids today and not just a fly on the wall :)"

There's a Reason, that I'm Feeling so High, Must be the Season

I just returned from a long walk on the trails of Overland Park. The sunlight glinting through the canopy of trees above, heat bathing the ground below, the bees humming dreamily about the blooms, and a drip of sweat from my brow = a happy Raquel. No impending papers, final exams, or lack of time off can change the solace nature fills within me. If you read Savannah's blog, you will understand me when I say that I will be the coffee bean.

Ryan and I were fortunate enough to have some visitors this weekend, Tim and Cindy. We got our fair share of Blokus in, cooked steak out by the pool, and got to tour the botanical gardens in OP. It was a very nice weekend. The weather was sunny and in the low 80s every day so Ryan and I were happy they brought the WI weather with them. On Sunday morning, we went to Visitation Church in Kansas City and the priest told a story of a time when he was teaching some high school students and of one student in particular that was confrontational and never got his work done on time. The priest said he confronted the boy about his lack of work ethic and the boy told him, "man, you just need to Kbar." Kbar is apparently the new slang term for "kick back and relax". It helped remind me that no matter what stresses and responsibilities are thrown at you, sometimes all you need is to take a step back and K-bar. It was fitting for the weekend because that's exactly what we did, we K-barred :)

This week has also been one of transition. I sat in my last lecture at KCUMB on Tuesday. Half of my classmates are making their marks all over the country while the rest of us keep ground in Kansas City. It was a week of celebration as we are officially 3rd year medical students, but it was also a week of saying goodbye to friends we got so close to over the past two years. A bittersweet adieu. I will miss you guys! Pic below L to R: Alex, Ryan, me, Chris.


I had intended on presenting some of the major amendments proposed in new health care reform bill. However, I still do not have a firm grasp on the elements of it. It is difficult to research the contents and implications of the bill without getting bias, even from government websites. So, I'll just say I feel something needs to be done. We cannot keep living in a country where 40 million people are uninsured, that is just unacceptable. Is the plan Obama is proposing the panacea for health care in America? I don't think so. Does it have potential? Yes. Though there are some positive provisions in the current bill - including insurance for all and payment reform projects - the proposed legislation seems to miss the opportunity to help create higher-quality, more affordable health care for patients. We want health care access for all, but I don't think it should be at the expense of quality. I'm assuming most people don't want the hospitals and clinics to turn into a DMV-like system of care. It saddens me that the main argument supporters for and against the bill will argue surrounds issues of the almighty dollar. I personally feel greed is in control. I think both sides fail to wholly understand the other side, "fitting in the others' shoes" so to say. The ones who don't want the system to change have adequate health insurance, it's just a fact. I think about my little brother Joey and how the current system will fail him if for any reason he loses the insurance he is currently on. I will not accept that. Sorry for the political diversion and if I offend anyone by saying this. I have just been getting a lot of questions regarding it so I thought I'd throw it in. I am not opposed to criticism over my opinion.

I'm starting rotations in a week and a half! I am anxious and nervous about it but at the same time excited. I just hope I know what I am doing. God bless everyone.

♥ Raquel

Listening to: "Let your Love Flow" by The Bellamy Brothers ♪

Living for the Night

It amazes me that the 4th of July has come and gone yet again. It feels as life becomes this desperation for the next holiday, vacation, or simply weekend. Taking it one day at a time. As much as I love to go back home to Minnesota I loathe the drive. I wish airline tickets would go down so we could fly but for now it doesn't seem plausible. We always have fun anyway

We did the traditional 4th of July events again this year - golfing, delicious fish fry, fireworks, and relaxing - it never gets old. Ryan said he could eat fish from Osakis every day and not get sick of it, I find that hard to believe though :) Another thing that hasn't ceased to amuse me is how much my little brothers and sisters grow each time we come home. I feel I have missed out on so much with them.

I don't have much to report on the weekend, I guess. There's something about Osakis that always refreshes me, though. Going home brings me back to the place where I had no cares in the World, everyone knows my name, and neighbors out for walks stop by when they see cars in the driveway. Maybe it has nothing to do with Osakis at all, but all the ones I love who are there. The only bad part about the weekend was getting sick towards the end, it made for an interesting ride home. I'm feeling better now but still not 100%.

I am sad because I found out I do not have any holidays or vacation for the next year. If I take a day off, I have to make it up! No Christmas or Thanksgiving break. We may be making short trips home or be celebrating holidays in Kansas City this year. It is just part of the sacrifice made for this career I am embarking myself on. We'll just have to see what happens. I have to get to my papers now, much better than studying for boards though...

♥ Raquel

P.S. I went and saw My Sister's Keeper with Mom, Grandma, Peyton, and her friend. It was good but exhausting. I spent most of the movie trying to keep myself from crying. Overall, a good story though.

Listening to: "People are Crazy" by Billy Currington

I Passed

Just thought I'd let everyone I got my Step I board scores back today and I passed! I am so happy. I feel I can move on now with life in general as the burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you everyone for the support. I couldn't have done it without all of you and that's the honest truth.

God Bless,
♥ Raquel

Sound of Pulling Heaven Down

Happy summer everyone. Ryan and I are about the same as the last update. We were able to attend Red, White, and Boom here in KC last weekend. The bands that played early in the day related to the "tween" population more but we went to see Blue October, David Cook, and Matt Nathanson. By far my new favorite band is Blue October. I never thought I would like their kind of music. As quoted on Rhapsody "this Texas band walks the line between post-grunge Pearl Jam influences and modern rock with Dave Matthews emotion". I think I have made a fan out of Ryan as well. At the end of the concert we were able to see a Fireworks show which always screams summer. There's nothing better than a good concert and good company.

I have recently gotten it into my head that I want to read the best novels of all time. I started with none other than "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Brontë. By all listings, this is the number one love story of all time. However, I have yet to grasp that light from it. Every character in the story is fatally flawed somehow. In order for me to enjoy a love story, I must be able to sympathize with the character. In my mind Catherine Earnshaw was a selfish snob. A friend of mine pointed out that what makes it such a good love story is that their only redeeming quality IS their love for each other. Can you imagine your only redeeming quality in life is your love for another person? I consider myself a sappy person, but that's pushing it. Overall, I found the story depressing, though the writing brilliant and for that I appreciate the book. Now, the book "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger is a beautiful love story where I could relate to the characters somewhat. Any suggestions for my next read? It doesn't have to be a love story...

I feel like Ryan and I have bragging rights nine months of the year in regards to the weather living in KC. However, that is certainly not the case in the summer. We have endured 110 degree heat indices the past week. Its hard to even catch a breath. I love seeing pictures of the beautiful summer up North so if you have any please share. It finally started to cool down today so we got a refreshing walk in this morning, it was so nice to breathe some fresh air.

There are no new updates on my Board exam results. My patience is near full capacity. I will let you know when I do. I pray every day I can bring good news.

Below is a picture of me with the plant from Grandma Linda in a new pot because it was getting too big for the last one. I am very proud of keeping it healthy and thriving for almost two years now. It has grown even since this picture was taken. I read that if given the right amount of space it could potentially get ten feet tall, I'm not sure if I believe that or not.

Below, me and two of my medical school companions. We were out celebrating A's upcoming wedding in August (left).

Sorry I don't have more to blog about. I've been working on my Econ paper a lot this weekend on airline ticket pricing. It has been a lot of work so far but I'm learning a ton, very interesting. Well, I guess I'll get going. Thanks for reading.

♥ Raquel

Listening to: "Overweight" by Blue October - this song makes me want to groove...

Please Forgive Me

Sorry it has been a while since a blog update. I have been done with boards for over two weeks and have just been enjoying my time. The past three months tested me in ways I was unprepared for. I was incessantly somber, generally unhappy, and perhaps characteristically crabby. I was pleasantly surprised that the minute I walked out of my board exam, that aura that enveloped me for so long was gone. Amazing. I was back. I only have two months of "summer" before rotations start and Ryan and I have made a vow to have a lot of fun. Last summer felt a bit lame to both of us (at least when we were in KC). Maybe it was because Ryan worked night shift or we were still getting accustomed to KC, I don't know. Last weekend we watched movies, played Blokus, went golfing, read books, and organized the apartment we have recently signed another year lease for. We are happily filling up our schedule this summer and are thrilled about it.

This picture doesn't necessarily fit, but I couldn't resist, he's so cute. (Ryan on his birthday)

Right after my board exam Ryan and I headed to Wisconsin for the Memorial Day weekend. I discovered (of course in Wisconsin) my two new favorite drinks, New Moon with orange & cinnamon and Brandy slush's. The quintessential summer drinks. We got a lot of visiting and relaxing in. Nothing beats a bonfire at the VanderBloomen's up North in the summertime. As cliche as it may sound, I love spending time with my Wisconsin family and friends, regardless of their Packer loving habits. Sadly, we had to come back to KC to attend our responsibilities. It's no fun being a grown up sometimes. My summer courses are now in full swing. I also got my rotation schedule this week which I am psyched about. My first rotation is pediatrics in August. No, George Clooney will not be my preceptor. I was hoping though :)

Mom, Joey, and Grandpa C also came to KC early this week. Joey came down to see if he qualifies for a research study being done here for children with Type I diabetes. If he qualifies he may be spending some time here this summer. Joey, I'm so proud of you being such a trooper and never complaining. I love you!

This weekend has also been relaxing, which seems to be the new theme of our lives. No complaints from this girl. We went to a happy hour with some friends on Friday evening and I spent Saturday at the library with a good friend of mine. Last night Ryan and I also got to attend a Bryan Adams acoustic concert. Fabulous. I have been telling my fellow MBA'ers this week that Ryan and I were going to this concert and the most common response was, "what does he sing?". What?? I determined my classmates lack of enthusiasm over Bryan Adams when we got to the concert last night. Ryan and I were honestly the youngest people there. It fits me though, I have always had an older soul. I have never related to people my own age. Thank you everyone for the birthday money! I spent it on the concert and it did not disappoint. We had front row on the balcony which ended up being awesome seats. Ryan said it was the best concert he has ever been to, that's saying something. Bryan Adams talked a lot and sung with an acoustic guitar and at times a piano (and harmonica). His vocals are impressive. I do not think he missed a note. We had a good time.

Sorry I have been gone so long. Oh how I've missed thee. I hope to be blogging about our summer adventures periodically and to hear about yours. May the summer treat you well.

♥ Raquel and Ryan

PS. We just watched "New in Town" with Renee Zellwegger and it exaggerates winter in Minnesota, but we thought it was hilarious regardless.

PSS. Congratulations to the Leen family who will have another addition in December. I love you all!

The Big Day

"Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the Lord I won't go nutty;
And if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord that I won't flunk.

But if I do, don't pity me at all,
Just lay my bones in the study hall;
Tell my teacher I did my best
Then pile my books upon my chest.

Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray I'll pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake
That's one less test I'll have to take."

-As presented to me by my infamous Pathology Instructor, Dr. Friedlander on http://www.pathguy.com/

"Where there is love of medicine, there is love of humankind" - Hippocrates

Say a prayer for me tonight to get through my board exam tomorrow (no migraines) and do well enough so I never have to take it again. Thanks everyone!

Make it a good one,
♥ Raquel

I Go Back Part III

February 09, 2004

I have been slacking off on my journal entries. College came up on me like a freight train. Before I knew it, the first semester was over. I feel like I have nothing to show for it except for the completion of Calculus I. Nothing exciting happened. I went to football games, watched movies with my best bud Kacie, did a lot of homework, and did research in the lab which I love. 2nd semester of freshman year has started differently. I came back here (Minneapolis) looking forward to what the future was going to bring and to just have some fun at the request of my wonderful mom. She's was right, of course. The first weekend I decided to go out with Kacie and after an hour, someone came out of nowhere... Ryan. It was like God was answering my prayers and giving me a new chance. He is so wonderful. We clicked right away. God truly amazes me. I don't deserve someone as wonderful as Ryan but he's here now and I hope he isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He took me out for coffee on our first date and it has just gotten better from there. Last night the most wonderful thing happened, he kissed me for the first time. It was amazing, weird, wonderful... no words can explain. I am so excited for the possibilities. Only God knows what tomorrow will bring.

May 14, 2004

I'm moving out of my dorm tomorrow. As I sit here watching Where the Heart Is in my empty room I am consumed by my thoughts. I have changed so much and I feel that with leaving Minneapolis I will also be leaving behind my newfound independence. I know it will still be there but I'll have to adjust to living at home again. I will miss the smell of my room, the new people I met, walking to class in the mobs of people, my evenings spent with Kacie, and Ryan. Wow, I cannot imagine what I will do an entire summer without him. I have fallen, hard. I truly love him and that scares me. I will miss him this summer, but it will probably be a good thing. As I depart tomorrow, I may have welled up eyes but mostly I want to remember that I loved it here and that the Fall will come sooner than I know it. On a positive note, I have a new baby brother that I get to meet tomorrow. Thank goodness his name is not Sue-pak, I can't believe I fell for that one...


May 9, 2009

Happy early Mother's Day!

Thank you....

Mom, for being the one I can talk to about ANYTHING, showing me that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, and being one of my best friends. I am honored to be your daughter.

Grandma L, for your steadfast and unconditional love. I would not be the woman I am today without your influence. Oh, and apparently for passing on your green thumb to me :)

Grandma D, for your thought provoking conversation and showing me the importance of knowing where I come from.

Grandma J, for treating my like your true Granddaughter from the beginning, it has meant so much.

Nancy, for your constant encouragement and ability to make me laugh no matter the circumstance.

Cindy, for giving me the beautiful man you raised and for always understanding.

Mamie, for your stories, they always brighten my day.

Savannah, for being the best friend and sister I could ever ask for.

♥ Raq

I Go Back Part Deux

February 25, 2003

I cannot believe how fast time goes! When basketball started, my life got hectic. We head to playoffs in TWO DAYS! I love basketball but am ready for a break so I have time to write my college English papers, Ugh. The action never ends though. We ended our regular season with an 18-6 record... I had a whopping 28 points all year, Pathetic! Now we have prom to worry about. I am going with Luke and I know I will have fun with him, he is a good guy. I can't wait to pick out my dress! I have finalized my decision to go to the U of M in Minneapolis for college next year. It was a very difficult decision to make but one I ended up making instinctively. It'll all work out. I will miss the high school scene and SAVANNAH! I don't know what I will do without her. I will cherish the time we have this summer together. Remember to NEVER SETTLE, Raq. You have too much to offer to let go of your dreams. That's all for now!

June 22, 2003

School's out, party's over, and summer has begun! Sadly, I missed state golf by two strokes. Lately, I have been working at the golf course and Buck point as well as coaching summer rec golf. I am currently preparing for college, getting into a good exercise routine, reading, and purchasing the essentials. It is overwhelming. I hope the cities will be a good home for me and that I like it there. My prayer is that I face everything in life with confidence and with the Lord as my guide. I pray I look to Him for comfort, peace, and answers. He shall lead me to the right path if I follow his Word. Whether that leads me into obstetrics or around the World I hope it brings me happiness!

April 28, 2009

I just thought I would share a couple more with you! My entries were not consistent but it is still interesting to go back and read them. Nothing much new to report I guess. I have logged 140 hours of study the past two weeks so that has pretty much occupied my time. As requested by my dentist I am supposed to share the importance of Fluoride mouth rinses. I had six cavities in November and decided to try the rinses instead of spending $700 on fillings to see what happened. Well, just last week I went in again and 5 have disappeared!! That's right, they're gone. My one cavity was $80 to fill... quite the savings if you ask me. So the moral of the story, get some ACT Fluoride mouthwash and you'll have whiter teeth and less bacteria in your mouth :) Sorry if this sounds silly but it was the excitement of my week. Ha. I hope the Spring is treating all of you well and that I come out of hibernation soon. Thanks for all of the support.

♥ R

I Go Back Part I

August 21, 2002

"Here I am trying to keep a daily journal of my life. Since I will be starting my senior year [of high school] in 13 days, I thought it would be AWESOME to be able to go back and remember everything. My summer has been pointless, yet relaxing. I was proud of myself today because I went on a run! It wasn't easy but it made me just want to run faster. It was just me and the road ahead and it felt great. Lord, please help me remember to cherish my last year of high school."

September 21, 2002

"I'm currently sitting on my bed with my Harvard shirt on listening to 'The Good Stuff' by Kenny Chesney thinking nothing could be any better. I just got out of the hot tub and feel relaxed. It was the big Homecoming week at school. After we beat Browerville in football (yeah!) Savannah and I had people over at our house for a bonfire and we had a lot of fun. I sat in the hot tube with J and D for a while but when I got out it seemed like everyone left. Sav, Jon, Luke, and I stayed up until 2 AM talking around the bonfire, I had a blast. The next day I worked and then Savannah and I drove to LP to see Marit and Olivia. Sav and I also got ready at Val's before the dance (which rocked by the way), I didn't want it to end. I danced until pains in my side took over me. I screamed, swung, and jumped with some of my Bestest :)

This morning I woke up late and was very tired for College English. After lunch, the tennis team drove to Pequot for a match. Des and I lost in a tie breaker. It was our last pizza at Rapperty's ever and I got kind of sad. Des and I talked the whole way home about college and life. It all scares me - applying to colleges and leaving home. Madison or Twin Cities? When I came home tonight I sat in the hot tub with Savannah and we watched all the shooting stars talking about what we will do next year. It will all work out in the end no matter what either of us chooses. I'll listen to Delilah, maybe that will inspire me."

I forgot that I wrote in a journal in high school. If this is boring for you, I apologize. It is just funny to me how circumstances change but the core of a person doesn't. I couldn't believe reading it again how much I am still the same. I still find my inspiration in the small things. Like they say, some things never change. Thanks for reading. Trust me, this is not the end :)

♥ R

Goodbye Apathy

Sorry it has been a while since I have updated, things have been a little hectic. Right now I'm updating on my 1 hour lunch break from board studying. I have successfully completed all of my 2nd year sections in medical school! Yay! I made it :) Currently I have 11-14 hours of studying a day scheduled for Boards until May 21st so if I don't return a phone call right away or go on Skype much I apologize. I will be very happy when these are over. I appreciate everyone's support so much. Thank you all as well for the birthday cards and gifts, I feel very loved ♥

I have decided to get rid of my bad attitude. I have never felt as bogged down with different stresses as I have the past 2 months. However, I WILL keep a positive outlook on things. Help me keep me on track with this... call me out on my negativity please. The last thing the world needs is another cynic. I woke up this morning to a Hallmark card, some flowers, and a new candle for my bathroom from my husband just to let me know how much he loves me and that he is rooting for me. I am so lucky! Thank you Ry, I love you.


I am also happy Ry and I were able to take a last minute trip to Osakis for Easter. Sometimes it is harder to go home (especially for only two days) because it makes me realize how much I miss everyone. Plus, there's just never enough time. I felt like I spent a whole day thinking "I'm finally home" and the other day saying goodbye. However, any time spent with family is worth it in my book. As my dad said if you wait for the perfect time to go home, you will never get there. What prompted this desire to go home was Joey being diagnosed with Type I Diabetes two weeks before. It was hard to watch him go through that. No eleven year old deserves to go through this (or any child for that matter). However, to give him and all my siblings a big hug and a kiss made the 18 hours of driving all worth it! Sorry if I kept you awake talking to me Peyton :0) I also got suckered into playing in the Alumni Tournament ... it was fun but man was I sore. I'll survive. We also got to see T, C, and M in Minneapolis for a coffee break on our way home which was nice.

I have a small inclination I will not have much to blog about in the coming 6 weeks, nor will I have anything exciting to talk about. However, I have recovered an old blog and journal I used to write in and I plan to randomly post excerpts from those in the coming weeks. Not many people have read these and I thought it would be interesting to do some reflecting.

Keep a lookout for my reminiscent blogs in the near future-
♥ R

Current Music: "Leap of Faith" by Lionel Cartwright